The Rebound

 

This week, I'm headed for my 13th breakup in 13 years. It will be amicable for sure, but I will still joyfully grieve my way through this week, enjoying all the moments while being fully aware of how bittersweet they are. Just like every other year, I knew from the beginning that this was never meant to be long term.

You see, middle school is really the "rebound" relationship of education. Elementary school? They get to be the first love. It's the first relationship these kids have with school. They experience so many things for the first time, and nothing will ever be quite so brand new. They hopefully spend six years of their lives in puppy love and look back on that time with intense fondness and nostalgia.

The breakup with the first love is not an easy one, even though they know they've outgrown the relationship. They come to middle school fearful of if they can ever love school as much as they did before, fearful of change, fearful of being lost in the crowd and never meaning as much to us as they did to Mr. or Mrs. Fill-in-the-Blank... you know, the one who set the standard for all the rest of us. We do our best to pick up the pieces and put them back together stronger than they ever were before. We show these kids something completely different from what they've experienced, and they start to navigate it all while building their preferences and interests. We know the three year time clock starts the second they walk through our doors for the first time, and it is a mad rush to pack as much as we can into that short time together. 

In middle school, academic content is important. We're laying the foundation for high school and beyond with crucial building blocks of skills, and that is no small task.  I would argue, however, that building the content of their character is perhaps the most important thing we hope they take from us into their next relationship. These forming humans start to figure out who they are and who deserves their time. Have you ever gotten to be in the room with someone at the moment they stop following the crowd and begin to lead with being themselves? They start to carve their own paths, make their own decisions, and form their own opinions. In the rebound, we work to bring out the best in each of them and revel in our time when we see them each begin to step into their own light.

But once those lights are shining, well, they need a bigger stage. The rebound is never meant to be anything more than a temporary period of discovery. All that time, energy, and work we put in wasn't really for us because they were always meant for someone else. High school comes along and scoops them up and into their next long term relationship. We hope they carry with them everything they've learned from our short but pivotal time together. 

When our students walk out of the Barn doors one last time on Friday, I hope and pray that they have gotten everything out of this rebound that they need to move forward. I hope they've felt seen and know how to find and demand that from everyone they meet from now on. I hope we've set a new standard for them of what it's like to be loved through the toughest and sometimes most unlikable times. I hope they know their full worth- their strengths and all of the goodness inside of them- and that they know how to find their people, the ones who will continue to nurture the best in them. I hope our time together has been enough.

If this is the end of the story, I hope these kids know how thoroughly I have enjoyed our time together. It is an honor and a privilege to get to be part of this season of their lives. Really, though, I hope that this is just the beginning of our story together. I hope that when they go on to do all the amazing things we've dreamed along with them, they'll check back in every now and then to let us know all about them. Maybe the rebound was actually meant to be a lifelong friend. A girl can hope.

After Friday, I have the absolute BEST crew at home to help me get through this breakup. My heart will be sewn back together with library trips and pools days and ice cream and snuggles and getting to be a whole mom for my kids. By the end of the summer, I'll be ten times more devastated to leave my kids and our carefree days. And, on the other end, will be the next group waiting for their rebound and a chance to build the relationships they need all over again.

Five more exhausting and happy days to hopefully fill these kids' cups to the brim, and then it's time to share a whole jug full of love with my own for a while. My own guy at home is experiencing his first school breakup and may just need some help nursing his own heart. I'm so excited to get to help him rebound with all my friends in the fall.